A Farmers Last Will and Testament
Being of sound mind and body, I hereby bequeath all my earthly goods and chattels to the following persons:-
To my wife ‘ My overdraft at the bank . Maybe she can understand it. I never could.
To my son – Equity on my car. Now he will have to get work to meet the repayments
To my bank manager ‘ I leave my soul. He has a mortgage on it anyway.
To my neighbour ‘ My clown suit. He will need it if he is going to continue farming as he has done in the past.
To the Metrification Board ‘ My conversion calculator. The “back to imperial ” key is worn out. The rest of them have never been used.
To my Farm Advisor ‘ My farm plan. Maybe he can understand it. I could never.
To the local Shire Council ‘ My pile of discarded shock absorbers and blown tyres. I suggest they make the appropriate deduction from my overdue rates.
To the NSW Government ‘ My faded curtains and strained vocal chords, resulting from coaxing children out of bed and to the school bus during daylight saving.
To the Scrap Metal Merchant ‘ My machinery. They have had their eyes on it for years.
To my Undertaker ‘ A special request. Six implement and fertilizer salesmen as pall bearers please. The’re used to carrying me.
To the Weatherman ‘ Rain, hail and sleet please. No use having good weather now.
To the Grave digger ‘ Don’t bother. The hole I am in now should be deep enough.
And last. To the Monument Maker ‘ Set up a jug for my epitaph. Something like the following:-
“Under this stone a farmer lies,
No one laughs and no one cries.
Where he’s gone and how he fares,
No one knows and no one cares.
(Name and address supplied but with held for fear of retaliation from bankers, family, neighbours, creditors and all those mentioned above.)